Initiation
by Katerineious
Summary: I know he will answer, but it is not me who he is answering. It is himself. It is a question that he needed me to ask so that he could not avoid answering it. He will speak when he knows the reason himself. And so I wait.


I was cutting clips for a new amv that I've been working on and watched the scene with Kenshin and Hiko at the end of the Kyoto arc and I found myself wondering what Hiko was thinking about during that time. I wrote this based off the scene from the manga and not the anime.

* * *

Initiation

I know he's there. In the cemetery. At the grave. I know he's there because today is the day he leaves Kyoto again and after this ordeal he cannot allow himself to not visit the grave. I am not sure why this feeling is so strong, I will not attempt to explain it, but I cannot let him face this alone again. That is why I must go as well.

Strange, if only all those imbecilic people that inhabit this country could see the legendary manslayer now. See that the short and practically feminine assasin they have all feared yet never seen personally is actually visiting one of the graves he filled with true remorse. See him offer flowers to neglected stone where he left immeasurable unnumbered graves in his youthful ignorance. See how he weeps over that one plot of land when he created so many others like it.

Because I know he will. He will cry until his eyes can produce no more tears and the stain in the dirt caused by them will mirror the one on his soul that will never be washed away. He won't call out although his heart longs to scream in agony. He will refuse to do anything more than cry silently while everything in his being wants to curse and beat his head into the ground in his anger and frustration.

Oh yes, if those people that have no idea of the sacrifice he made and fear him as a result of shameful horror stories could see his true self.

I hate them. I hate them all. It is wrong and it goes against the teachings of my master, but I do. I cannot stop the emotion from existing deep within my heart. I hate them, the people of this wretched city of Kyoto where they keep the unwanted memories of my student alive in their hearts more than anywhere else in the country. And I hate the city of harboring them. It is a vile, disgusting place. The natural flow of life has been all but eradicated from the land as more and more buildings obstruct it. Said buildings house nothing but corrupted and disillusioned souls that drain the land. It is sickening.

I find that my expressive musings have led me to the cemetery with quickened feet. I take a quick glance at my surroundings as I enter the gate to begin my trek through the monuments. I don't know where the grave is so I search for him with my ki. It doesn't take but a moment to locate his, for even though he's shielded himself, I will always be able to find him, and set my course to him. I try to keep my mind blank as I walk this time. He needs a calm aura. Anything else and he will not be able to handle his emotions.

I stop once he comes within my sight to observe him. He stands before a space of grass with a small unmarked stone. I see him set the pail he carries at his feet so he can reach up to his cheek and swiftly pull a bandage away, exposing the scar that identifies him to all. "Here is one place where nothing has changed a bit," he says softly and I know that is my cue to make my presence known.

I sigh once and step forward. "Is that . . . the grave?" The wind has suddenly picked up and I grab my cloak to keep it from sweeping away from my body. Both our eyes fall to the stone that rests on the ground in question.

He doesn't want to answer me. He knows that I already know the answer and only asked to break the silence that threatens to suffocate him. That is why he spoke first. But he does answer me. Not because he wants to, but because he needs to. He needs to tell someone and share the heavy burden. He covers the scar on his left cheek with his hand, his eyes heavy. "Yes . . ."

The only sounds heard during the next few moments are of the water splashing on the stone, this ignition of the flame to light the incense, and the rustling of the flower blossoms in the 

continuing wind. He is kneeling before the stone, his hands together, his eyes closed. He is not praying. He does not pray, but speaks to her. His first love who is only remembered by this cold, ugly rock placed in the ground to signify where there once was life.

"It's been ten years. Ten years of neglect . . . why do you suddenly visit today?"

He is silent, contemplating his answer. I am not upset with his hesitation, it is understandable. It is a subject that he has purposely shied away from during these past ten years. Her memory has slowly eroded his heart, paining him with every step he has taken since returning to this city. I know he will answer, but it is not me who he is answering. It is himself. It is a question that he needed me to ask so that he could not avoid answering it. He will speak when he knows the reason himself. And so I wait.

"Since Meiji, this one has wandered throughout Japan. But Kyoto is the one place where too many remember him. To avoid undesired complication, this one has stayed away." His eyes are closed, his words soft.

"Is that the only reason?" I have get him to admit his reasons to himself. If he doesn't now, he will leave without taking the first steps to forgiving himself.

"Kyoto is a city still haunted by the memories of Hitokiri Battosai, and those he killed . . . memories best left behind. And yet . . ." He pauses and although I cannot be entirely certain, I believe he is thinking of the girl that followed him here from Tokyo. The one who fought not a month ago to stay alive so she could bring him home. ". . . at last this one knew it was time to offer flowers to this grave."

I sigh. The first and hardest step has been taken, albeit reluctantly, but it is something. Now it is time to push him so he doesn't lose any momentum and return to that girl who cares for him so deeply. "Then you're through . . . go home to Tokyo." I pull the fabric of my mantle around me as I turn around to walk away. I call back over my shoulder, "Even if there are 'undesired complications' don't count on me to lend a hand." My words feign arrogance, annoyance.

I don't see him nod but I hear every word. "See you at the next day of the dead." As with the majority of the words he has spoken today, these also are not meant for me.

My steps are slow, deliberate. We must depart under the shelter of master and apprentice even though he stands with me equally now. He knows that I do care about him, how can I not after all that has happened between him, but he needs me to show him the same strength and indifference I always have. He isn't ready for that much change at one time. I can only hope that the girl he will soon return to will take care of him. That she will keep him moving forward and not let him stop for anything. She has a great inner strength and I wish for her to push him enough to recognizing the feelings he has for her. I know that at some point she will marry him and I couldn't choose a better woman. Even so, I feel that a great obstacle will soon place itself in their way and I will not be there to aid them this time.

And so I walk away. My pacing regulating the more I walk to my normal long strides. I want to sigh, to slouch as I walk, but I remain rigid. I leave the gate that separates this land of the dead from the outside world and turn right to head towards the sake shop. I really need a drink.

* * *

I love working with Hiko's character and I very pleased with the way this came out. Although it is sad, I had fun writing it. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.


End file.
